The face of Big Family In A Small House has been changing. It appears the changes are snowballing like a snowball rolling down hill in good packing snow. Within the last three weeks three of our four young adults in our family have moved into their own dwellings (no, not caves and teepees). Ricky and Josh have taken an apartment and Eunice has moved into a house with a friend, Johanna. Josh had been considering the move since this summer, but finally they all have moved out.

Their presence in our home well into their twenties (Ricky is 29, Eunice 27, and Josh 23) has been a blessing in many ways and will be missed. God’s work in Lois and my hearts over the last year and a half continues to pursue fruition. Prayer and fasting has been undertaken. Testing, studying, visiting, talking, and more prayer and fasting have been all part of seeking God’s direction. I am reminded of how a man’s heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directs his steps. (Proverbs 16:9) In this case the direction includes other major changes; moving from a city of thousands to a town of less than one thousand; leaving the southern United States where summer extends from March to November to where there are four distinct seasons that usually get equal time; and to go from a big family of eight living in a small house to a family of four living in a small house. God has blessed us with His building our family to eight over the last thirty years. In those thirty years we have lived in two different big country farm houses, a big log cabin, and several small houses. The most different was when we had no place to call home and were split up between two or three different families.

Being the head of this Big Family In A Small House has been a great blessing and a great challenge. With children moving out that responsibility changes and makes a huge step of growth. Many American families do not look at the presence of four adult children in the home favorably. Most don’t understand it. As best I can tell it is a western culture concept to encourage the children to leave ‘at the earliest convenience’ (and my question is, For whom?) All four of our adult children have been around the world, Ricky in Albania and Canada, Eunice two times to China and England once, Andrea to Albania and Mexico, and Josh to Nicaragua. In each of those countries except maybe in metro Canada and England the family lived in one house even with the children’s spouses and families. As I said, having them in the home has been a great challenge along with the blessings. (As I write this United States Eastern time has just passed into 2008.)

My challenge and responsibility to my children is that of greater importance. While our children were young I had the responsibility to oversee each step of their way, to guide them and correct them as I understood before God that I should. As they became teenagers (and still with Cherith and Jesse it remains so) I had to allow them the freedom to make mistakes as they learned to make decisions. To many Americans these are the trying years (I think maybe they view it that way because most American parents expect their children to leave after they graduate from high school or college). We have had the blessing of seeing them become young adults making their own decisions, greater decisions that hurt more when the wrong choice is made. But between being teenagers and young adults in their twenties a very hard part for parents is the children are learning things, some things the parents have never learned, especially when it comes to the Word of God and the truths of who God is and how we should walk before Him. It is sometimes akin to the young boy who told the whole city that the king is naked as told in The Emperor’s New Clothes. I as a parent may in my arrogance feel my authority is being challenged when my children bring the Word of God to me and tell me something new. Or perhaps I am told my position may be wrong. I may even resent the facts that are presented to me because, well, I graduated with one Bachelor’s Degree in Engineering and was close to graduating with a second Bachelor’s (in Pastoral Studies) before my health cut that short. Why, I have been your parent as long as you have been alive (doesn’t arrogance sometimes state the obvious). However, taken rightly these apparent afronts to my authority are really a chance to review and consider my own self. I have no need to make sure I am right and I win the position. That isn’t authority, at least not authority used rightly. I have areas in my life to which that at over 50 years old I am still pitifully blind. Some of my ways my children have brought to my attention I was completely wrong, and yet others I needed to see a more correct understanding than I had ever been taught in all my 50+ years. Our adult children have been to us like iron sharpens iron. Their friction wasn’t to dull my authority, but to sharpen it; to take areas that had never been sharp in the first place and make them useful as well.

God used His Word to cause me to reflect on the Big Family In A Small House now being no longer together and in a few short months hundreds of miles apart. II Timothy 1:11 – Whereunto I am appointed a preacher, and an apostle, and a teacher of the Gentiles. As the father of the Big Family In A Small House (BFIASH) I also have this appointment to them in particular. As a friend who continues to grow dear to me Pastor Tom Gaudet pointed out that of all the qualifications of a bishop (elder, pastor, shepherd – I Timothy 3:1-7) the very first is that of desire. A man must desire the office of a bishop. When I desired to marry my fiance who is now my wife, I was without thinking desiring to be the bishop of my family.

This leads further to I Peter 5:1-4 – the responsibilities of inner character. Verses 2 and 3 define that character of feeding the flock, taking oversight willingly, not because I have to, not for financial gain, but of a ready mind. Verse 3 is a key to this concept of authority issue I mentioned. The identifying trait is NOT as being a Lord over God’s heritage. Psalm 127:3 clearly identifies children as an heritage of the Lord. Ezekiel 34:1-16 spells out the characteristics of shepherds, of pastors who have embraced being a Lord over God’s heritage.

Peter may have considered as he wrote 1 Peter 5 the day on the shore as Jesus asked of the reality of Peter’s love. Being questioned three times each command Jesus Christ gave stepped up the responsibility. (John 21:15-22) The first was that of pasturing lambs (watching over to feed and grow), the second to shepherd the sheep (oversee the mature flock), and finally pasture the sheep (feed the mature with that which will fortify them and make them productive).

Now someone no doubt is questioning my thoughts on my adult children pointing out areas of inconsistency, areas of lack, or areas where I need correction or growth. The problem is not that they have observed it, nor that they point it out to me in my life. The major problems would be their approach and my receptiveness. This is true for any elder, pastor, or for any area of leadership for that matter. It all has a Scriptural approach as God has given. God has given us the ministry of reconciliation (II Corinthians 5:17-21). If I fail in that ministry as a husband and a father, what am I really to anyone else? It matters not if I have been offended (Matthew 18:15-20) or I have offended someone (Matthew 5:21-24), especially if they are of my own house. God commended Abraham in how he would lead his family when he as yet had not the son of promise. (Genesis 18:19) The question that is presented, what if the one who has a fault is the leader, the bishop, the elder, the pastor, the father? I Timothy 5:1 states the need to ‘rebuke (chastise with words) not an elder, but intreat (desire a hearing with) him as a father’. Further in I Timothy 5:19 the charge is to receive not against an elder an accusation, but before two or three witnesses. (Most people give up before getting this far thinking their only recourse is that of I Corithians 6:7,8. Unfortunately I must say I have fallen into this category not being correctly instructed in how to deal with leadership that uses authority improperly.) Care is required here as pointed out by example in Jude 9 and instruction in Galatians 6:1-5 (when restoring another considering our ownselves less we be tempted).

The concern is that of a child’s honoring a parent, the father, and obeying them also. I as father must make decisions, right decisions. I must stand by the truth’s wherein I stand. But if I am wrong I desire that my children will honor me by intreating me to see my wrong. That has been my greatest honor is when my children have sought out and learned the truths of God on their own and they are spiritual enough to intreat me to turn to right where I am wrong. They have obeyed God rather than me in that in which I am wrong. They have truly demonstrated their love for me as I had to so many times in their years of growing up.

This brings me to my greatest challenge. I will no longer have close by those for whom I have watched for their souls. And they, when I need it, will no longer be near me to honor me in such a way. They have seen me at my worst and have even been afraid. But when I listened, and asked forgiveness, and by God’s grace forsook it and repented, they were much better because I responded in the way God would have it. I love my children and want the best for them, especially to see a godly example for them.

The end result of all this will be that:

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. III John 3

Let’s see… I really should be using RememberTheMilk.com to keep these things in order and just getting things done when I need to do them…
Okay now… I needed to write the final word on our trip to Wisconsin (but that was back in August); I need to write an update on what is happening in our lives (I guess Josh already gave more of that info); my friend Meredith Hines with lukemia as a teenager should have an entry (check out the blogsite) ; I want to write about a father’s place (especially as we face this time in our lives)….

OH, Hello!!! So glad to have you reading this. As you can see I was just thinking. Amazing what slips by without getting done and other things appear to take priority (yeah, like… okay, not like. I guess I can see (but sometimes so easily ignore) a priority when I see one).

Well, this just came up at one of those rare times I really do have time to write on the blog. I asked Ricky tonight what he had been learning about God from God. He shared some thoughts on concerns he had been discussing about what is really a believer’s priorities to center around. This made me consider okay, where do I go from here in my spiritual life. Like Ricky said so often though we may ‘try’ to break out of the “I’ve been a Christian a long time, I know the answers, I love Christ (I say I do), and I am living for Him” complacency and just struggle with, okay, what am I suppose to be doing? Where do I go from here? As he shared some of the discussion he has had some of his thoughts stirred a basic outline for me to consider.

The ultimate purpose of my life as a believer is to glorify God; not myself, not my family, not my church, not my pastor, not the great apostle Paul or Peter, God alone. From God’s omniscience God says in Isaiah 44 (about other gods), I know no other. Yet some say salvation, salvation is the thing; or discipleship, discipleship is the thing. True, these are commanded in Scripture by Christ himself. But there are other things. How do we bridge from salvation to God’s glory. What are some of the signs along the way that tell me I am following the right path?

Here is an outline that maybe such a discussion may be based upon.

Ultimate – God’s glory (this is always true whether a believer or not, or where you are in your life as a believer)

Penult (as we may view our ‘progression’ in time) – God’s rewards (what does He base His rewards upon – 1) the very purposes He gives the five crowns in judgment; 2) that which is done that He ascribes the words – Well done, Inasmuch as you have done it unto the least of these you have done it unto Me).

Antepenult – God’s first (the first and greatest command is to love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy might; the second is like unto it, thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself; first love – see Revelation 2:1-7)

These three basically start at the top and work their way backward as being goals to consider. But we may also work from the rudiments up too.

Salvation – that point a person comes to where they come to understand these truths:
1. God is God; God is Creator; God is Holy; God is the Almighty Omnipotent One
2. Man was created in God’s image and God’s likeness by God’s design; man forsook the truth that God had given, disobeyed, and went his own way; this cause immediate spiritual separation from God and spiritual death (physical death came later); man can never in and of himself regain, rebuild, re-establish, reconcile himself to God; man is lost and banned from God forever in this state of spiritual death; man is in this state an enemy of God
3. Jesus Christ, God’s Son, came in the flesh, Emmanuel – GOD WITH US, lived a perfect, holy life; was delivered by envious men to die (physically), but Christ, the Annointed Messiah, gave Himself to die in man’s place – in the place of all mankind – those dead, those living (at that time), and anyone who would ever live after that (including me); He took man’s sin in His own body as He was crucified upon a cross, man’s cruel effort to make a tree from a tree; He died in my place for my sin; my debt is paid
4. Christ’s payment for man’s sin debt is that only payment that the Just Almighty Holy God will accept; man must accept it as a gift – not give money to help pay (what a slap in the face of Jesus Christ who paid the price in full); not be immersed in water to wash away that shortcoming, that sin (same slap in the face); not doing anything ‘good’, NOTHING; realize that man cannot pay the debt (nor even help seeing man’s best works are as leperous rags before God); only turning from any effort of man’s own (that is very well known as sin), only turning to and accepting God’s forgiveness through the payment of the blood of Christ as God’s free gift of reconciliation – the only way to God’s glory

After salvation – after faith, add to your faith, follow the building built on the foundation of faith (2 Peter 1 faith > virtue > knowlege > temperance > patience > godliness > brotherly kindness > charity — facinating that godliness is not at the top; that virtue – excellence of character and making a right relationship with men is the first to be established before knowledge even – who knows what we might learn in such a discussion).

Amongst that growth I just mentioned there begins to appear the fruits (evidences) of the Spirit of God in our lives. Galatians 5:22,23 – love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance – no law agin it (hmm – have I been in the south to long?).

I would suggest the next (an final) point (in this suggested outline) is where these two paths join – our conversation (not the yakkity yak version, but what our lives tell others about what is going on inside us – every action (in Proverbs we learn that even the wink of an eye may be for evil or good; in Matthew 7 where we are warned not to judge (condemn) we are also made aware that resultant fruit is obvious – a little child may observe and often speak most honestly of what they observe – of a man’s conversation. Our conversation when these two meet should most obviously be the testimony of Christ in our lives as our Redeemer, our Saviour, our Lord, our Master, our King – God with us.

Anyway, that is my take. People may bring in superficial (but none the less real) elements which are not those for which Christ will reward a crown or say, Well done thou good and faithful servant; Inasmuch as you have done it unto the least of these you have done it unto me.

Christ gave Peter a perspective on this when tax collectors had asked Peter – Doesn’t your master pay taxes? (Check out Matthew 17:24-27) Consider in reading this the believer’s relationship to God.

I believe this takes on a new meaning of asking, What does God want in my life as a living priority that will make itself manifest or evident that the least observant child will blurt out in innocence and unmitigated honesty.

I must be on my way now. I hope this may have sparked results that do not say – Thank you, I have learned something; but say rather, There is something I must do now.

Lois and I made a brief visit to Pennsylvania October 6-9, 2007. More on that to follow in a subsequent post. However, our road home led us through Nickle Mines, PA. We were actually in the community and did not realize it immediately. In reviewing the tragedy that took place there just a year ago I came across the following post. It contains a view of one from the local area, obituaries, and a response from a leader in the Amish community there. Though Lois and I drove by where the school house once stood without realizing it, the people of that community will not forget. Please read, but be prepared to let your heart get close to them too. http://allegianceanddutybetrayed.blogspot.com/2006/10/heartbreak-in-lancaster-county_02.html

Well, here we are again – several days later. We have had an exciting time since arriving in Wisconsin on Tuesday. After staying at Kuhlman’s on Tuesday night we went to the Chalet Restaurant for our noon meal. As in our dating days we bought one dinner and split it. We then toured Maranatha Baptist Bible College to see how the grounds have changed since we last had opportunity to walk on campus.

Leaving Watertown behind we took the route of Highway 26 to Highway 16 to Portage. From there we went straight north on I-39 to Plainfield, WI arriving about 5:20 PM. It was very exciting (in particular Andrea). We met immediately Jennifer and her sister, the neighbor girls, that were helping Andrea with something special. We finally had the opportunity to meet Pastor Tom Gaudet, his wife Gail, Cameron (just ask Andrea!!!!), Micah, and Keenan. There was one young lady, Annie, and three young gentlemen around too – Micah, Tyler, and Gavin – the first two who have been working in the church here.

After a great supper we went to church at First Baptist Church. After the time of testimony of answered prayers and a time of prayer, there was a birthday and anniversary reception downstairs. The birthday was a young lady Megan who turned 20 this week and for our 30th anniversary.

Thursday morning I had a job interview at 8:30 AM in Stevens Point (commonly referred to as ‘Point’). It was a very good interview, but they have other interviews and times out of the office so I should hear back in 2-3 weeks. On the way back I drove past a piece of land I had seen on the real estate listings. It very apparently was already purchased as a housetrailer was behind the house and trees had been cut back. Much of the rest of the day was spent in conversation with Cameron and then Pastor Tom and his wife. In the evening Pastor, Cameron, Andrea, Micah, Keenan, Tyler, and I took a walk to the grocery store for ice cream. Jennifer’s mother and family were there. On the way back we looked at a couple of houses, one which appeared to be somewhat abandoned and the other was for sale. Once we returned home we watched the video we brought, But We See Jesus. The Riendeau’s were able to stay for most of the presentation.

Friday morning Pastor Tom and I went to a nursing home in Point (very near where I had my interview) where he preached to 20 – 30 residents and a couple workers. We arrived back home in time to eat. Cameron and I gave a lady from Guatemala a ride home. She had stopped by for some food. Once we returned the Gaudets and the Blahas that were present took a drive to Knapp, WI (very close to Minneapolis/St Paul) where we helped celebrate the Gaudet’s eldest son’s (Nick) son’s third birthday. It was on a dairy farm and parents, grandparents, and great grandparents, a great uncle and aunt, were all gathered to celebrate. Andrea and I had the great priviledge to ride a SideHiller. After all the celebration we drove the three hours back home.

This morning after sleeping in a little Lois and I spent time in discussion about God’s leading about moving to Plainfield. It was very good. We realized that if any changes need to be made in our lives they were needed whether we moved here or not. We are still looking to what God is going to do. Once we came down stairs we had a great time talking with Pastor and Gail and Andrea. It covered a lot of ground leading up to Andrea and Cameron beginning their courtship. So far the rest of the day has been conversation and this opportunity to review open jobs, houses for sale, and making this post.

Hopefully soon I will share more than a diary of our trip. There are specific exciting parts of life here I look forward to telling – all in an entry by itself. And pictures – yes pictures, but not yet. Until later…

Such a blessing God has truly blessed us (Rick & Lois – the father and mother of BFIASH). Our 30th wedding anniversary was July 30th. God used our children to give us a anniversary trip to Wisconsin. We left from home on Tuesday July 31st at about 6:20 AM and drove to Charlotte, NC. Our flight left at 9:15 AM EDT and landed in Chicago at about 10:07 AM CDT. While we have flown separately to various cities they either required transfers or were to cities we have not driven often if at all. Chicago is one with which we are very familiar, whether traveling to my family in Michigan, or Lois’ family in Wisconsin or to Northland. The route takes usually 12 – 14 hours to MI and even longer to WI from the Greenville, SC area. It was extremely refreshing to take about 5 hours from the time we left home (including the wait for our flight to take off in Charlotte).

In Chicago we left from Midway and went downtown to see places I spent some time when I went to college. We first went by Moody Bible Institute (my place of employment for about three years) and then Moody Church. From there we went to where I lived my last two years in Chicago, around DeVry University (it was DeVry Institute of Technology when I was there), and finally past the first apartment I lived in when I started at DeVry.

We left Chicago behind and headed to Wisconsin. We stopped just inside the WI border to get a little something to eat. I knew the brevity of the flight from Charlotte to Chicago left me a little amazed, but so huge a disappointment to be sitting, finishing up our meal at Taco Bell and then to see the name of the neighboring restaurant, Brat Stop. Were we not being careful with our money we may have had a second meal right then and there. HOW COULD I HAVE MISSED IT?!!!!

We continued on to Watertown (from where I am making this entry). We drove past Tivoli Island (all those bullheads and catfish we caught there just before we moved Ricky!!!). Then we drove past the house where we lived when we were first married, the park, and Dr. & Mrs. Hollowood’s house of many years. From there we went to see the new church building for Calvary Baptist Church now out on Milford Street. We returned later with Rick and Terri Kuhlman to tour the inside of the church. Their they showed a picture of the house we lived in on Milford Street for three years being burned. We ended our afternoon tour driving briefly onto the Maranatha Baptist Bible College campus and then on to Rick and Terri Kuhlman’s.

We had a meal of celebration at the Kuhlman’s. Three other families came one person from each of whose birthday was on July 31st, the same as Terri Kuhlman’s. Also, our 30th wedding anniversary was part.

That’s all for now. Now on to Plainfield, WI. I guess the best way to describe our anticipation for going to Plainfield would be that given about ‘Adventures In Odessy’ – ‘a place of wonder and excitement’. By God’s will there will be more to share from there. (Might even add pictures!)